I often quarreled with my husband. That stress was passed on to our children as a result. Our oldest child had serious emotional issues as a result. He was always distracted and even became violent towards his younger brother. When he started elementary school, he couldn’t make friends. He would say, “I’m okay, even though I can’t make friends. I’ll be okay if they don’t like me.” He was constantly biting his fingernails and he bit them down to nothing. When we took him to the doctor, he told us he had some “vocal tics.”
Your negatively were affected by your parents … I’m sorry, son
When our oldest child started 4th grade, his teacher recommended that we seek counseling with an expert. Our son’s emotional ups and downs were so severe that he could not continue with the class. I was told by a pediatric psychiatrist that my son had hyperactivity disorder. He told us that our son didn’t know how to be positive because he was constantly negatively affected by his relationship with his parents and the relationship between his parents from an early age. He said that our son was trying to get attention – whether it was positive or negative – he wanted attention. I really didn’t know what we should do.
Around that time, one of my acquaintances recommended meditation. As I practiced, I eliminated the wounds I felt in the past and discarded my thoughts that hurt people. In particular, I threw away the memories of my poor behavior toward my child. Things like pointing out his mistakes, when he was disrespectful towards adults, his poor handwriting and when he wasn’t being generous to his little brother and so forth. When I looked back, I was looking for a lot of reasons to blame him. Even when my son was crying and trying to express his emotions, I shouted out, “Don’t cry!”
When I let go of myself judging with such self-centered thoughts from the past, my son’s behavior began to change. That summer, I sent him to a meditation retreat. I wanted to let him experience the freedom of the mind that I had felt.
After meditating, my son began to change
When my son came back from the youth camp, I said to him, “I was so stupid and I was wrong about how I treated you. Can you forgive me?” My son said, “What are you talking about? I threw everything away from my mind.”
A child who before was always afraid to interact with his peers now changed to playing with his friends. All of his negative behavior and ticks had disappeared along with his anxiety.
Last semester, he was elected Class President. Now he brings friends home, he joined the school band and he’s learning to play bass guitar.
He made me laugh one day by saying, “Mom, I think I’ve lived in a boring world, but now I’m going to have fun.”
Parents usually want their child to change. However, in order for a child to change, the “environment” with their parents must change first. During summer break, a lot of mothers think that children should go to academic learning camps or overseas study, but the most important thing is that parents and children share their minds. Meditation opens the way.
Young-mi Choi / Housewife