Yoon, Ha-eun / Self-employed
One day, Ha-eun Yun came to a realization that his thinking, habits and attitudes remained the same as time passed and circumstances changed. He started to question this fixed pattern, whether this is the right way to live as a father, a husband and a son. Through meditation, Ha-eun looked for solutions to his concerns. This is the story of how his thinking, habits, family relationships and life transformed over the years of practicing meditation.
Can I continue to live like this? Questions that struck suddenly
I manage an outdoor sportswear store in Gumi and have a daughter who is in elementary school. There was an event at my daughter’s kindergarten a few years ago. After the event, all the cars started to leave the school one by one. They had the option to go in a different direction but all the cars proceeded to follow the car in front, one after another. I was thinking to myself, ‘I should go in another direction,’ yet, I started to unconsciously follow the car in front of me also.
At that moment, a sudden realization struck, that I had been following the same path as other people throughout my entire life. Looking back, there wasn’t much difference between the present and my 20’s; I thought it was the same. I did adjust to changing circumstances and environments but my thoughts, habits and attitudes were the same. As I thought about how to live as a father, a husband and a son, I began to contemplate on the inner self.
Beginning Meditation, I came to know what my ‘mind’ (inner self) is, and my questions were answered
The following day, I searched for meditation on the internet. With some doubt and curiosity, I started going to the local center. Since I lived a life without trusting anyone, I think I attended the sessions at the center for the purpose of exploring in the beginning. As I continued to practice meditation, I was able to reflect on what ‘mind’ was, why I lived with burden and pain, and why I lived in constant struggle and dissatisfaction.
I realized that there is true mind and false mind within oneself. The reason for all the suffering was because I lived with a false mind instead of true mind. False mind is like pictures I have taken in my life that acts like a computer program controlling my ideas and habits. For instance, I realized what had caused me to distrust people as I practiced meditation and I was able to truly change that and I started to trust others around me.
The painful delusion disappeared by abandoning my false mind
It was recess time in the second grade of elementary school. My friend threw dirt at me on the playground so I did the same in retaliation. But the teacher witnessed only my action and scolded me, not both of us. After recess, I was made to kneel down and raise both my hands in the empty playground as a punishment. I tried to explain that it was my friend who started the fight but the teacher wouldn’t hear any of it.
The resentment, hate and unhappiness I felt towards the teacher made me cry nonstop. I realized then and there that I have no one to turn to in this world. Since the incident, I shut myself off from the world and lived constantly checking on how others think about me.
It was difficult to go through daily life with delusions and anxiety, worrying about the future and regretting what I’ve done in the past. I even worked in an assembly line at a monitor producing company to see if it would be better to focus on physical labor but it didn’t help. Once I got used to the work, my anxiety and thoughts never ceased in my mind. But after discarding those through meditation, they disappeared. Concentration increased when the false minds, which are the cause of delusion, disappeared.
I feel sorry and ashamed to my precious family, since I’m the one who did the most wrong to them
There have been many changes in my social life. There are customers who I’ve had unpleasant encounters with while doing business. In the past, I avoided similar looking people when they walked into the store that reminded me of past incidents. I would also make preconceived judgment according to ‘pictures,’ categorizing customers into ones who buy and one who don’t buy. Now that mind is gone and since I treat each customer without judgements, my sales have greatly improved.
Right now, my mother, wife and daughter are also meditating. One time, my mother asked her granddaughter, “Mom and dad are not fighting these days?” and she said, “They don’t fight anymore after practicing meditation.” When I overheard what was said, I felt really bad about the fights.
Now that I look back, my wife and I fought a lot, really about nothing. We argued about small things, this and that. In my mind, I was always right and was comforted by the fact that other people lived the same way as us. After practicing meditation, I realized that I hurt the people I cared about the most. Nowadays, instead of fighting and yelling, my house is full of laughter. I am very blessed and happy.
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